Vlogging might help me!

Yes, vlogging might be the answer to get over my social anxiety once and for all. Vlogging really puts me in the spotlight, vlogging is so far out of my comfort zone and a bit scary at times. I never thought that I’d start vlogging a couple of years ago, and even tho I’m having a hard time speaking on camera, I still do it to learn, to grow and to overcome my social anxiety.

Here’s the link you my Youtube channel – Please like and subscribe!

Vlogging was so distant to me for a long time, but ever since I started watching people doing vlogs a couple of years ago I envied them, I respected them, even tho I maybe didn’t agree with what they were talking about, but I respected them because they dared to do it. Talking on camera, by yourself, as a monolog is hard, it’s really hard. Vlogging looks easy enough, but standing there in front of the camera, thinking about what to say is made for re-takes.

I don’t know how many times I’ve re-done a take, said the same word over and over just because my pronunciation was off a couple of times, or the light was wrong, or my eyes wandered. Due to my social anxiety, I have a hard time looking people in the eyes when talking to them, I usually drift off, look down or focus on something behind the person I’m talking to. And not before I watched myself vlogging, I noticed how obvious it is….

I tend to look away, at something else or at the computer. It is so obvious on camera, and that is something I really need to practise. Oh, and due to my social anxiety, I often wear sunglasses, which helps a lot during the vlogging, but wearing the sunglasses indoors might seem weird…. if you’re not Casey Neistat. But I do think I can relax more with sunglasses, so I should start doing my vlog speaking parts outside, just to be able to wear sunglasses.

So, I hope you will support me by Subscribing to my Youtube channel, leave comments, like my videos and tell your friend. I’m a huge beginner and I want to learn, and the best way to learn is by doing, and the best way to do, is to get cheers and pushes from friends and followers. People who push you in the right direction are worth so much when it comes to learning new stuff.

Again, here’s the link to my Youtube channel, please don’t forget to subscribe! 🙂

Exploding head syndrome – I might have it!

I think I might have Exploding head syndrome actually. Ever since I was a kid I’ve experienced weird sounds and stuff when falling asleep, not regularly, but it still scared the shit out of me on a number of occasions.

If you don’t know what Exploding head syndrome is, I will try to explain the basics of it, otherwise I’d suggest checking it out on Wikipedia for example.

Exploding head syndrome is a benign condition that causes me to hear loud, scary or irritating imaginary sounds when on the verge of falling asleep or just after sleep occurs. It might sound like I’m crazy for hearing sounds, but Exploding head syndrome is actually real and it has woken me up with a bang more then a few times, often leaving me shocked, scared and/or with elevated heart rate. The name can be a bit deceiving, because EHS does not hurt at all, it’s just uncomfortable.

Exploding head syndrome is thought to be triggered by minor temporal lobe seizures, sudden shifts of middle ear components and/or stress/anxiety, impairments in calcium signalling and brainstem neuronal dysfunction. There are also reports that suggest that tinnitus might be a culprit. Although little to no research are available and there are no treatments or help to get… what I know of. There are also reports of one seeing lift flashes, lightning or light static.

I for one mostly get the Exploding head syndrome with sound only, but I do recall seeing lightning flashes while trying to sleep sometimes. Some of the sounds you might hear when you have Exploding head syndrome (EHS) are:

• The sound of a bomb.
• The sound of gunshot.
• A loud clash of cymbals.
• The sound of a door slamming.
• An extremely loud rushing sound.
• People screaming or shouting.
• An electrical buzzing sound.
• Any other loud sound which can’t be described exactly.

It’s not said that you hear all of them, or only one of them. For me it’s usually a clash of symbals, a extremely loud rushing sound or electrical buzz or static, or something I can’t describe. According to those few who have researched this (no clinical studies been done yet), they say that EHS is harmless, although might be distressing and/or uncomfortable for those who experience it.

For me it’s very random when it occurs, and I can’t seem to see a connection with me being stressed or not. But I do wake up with bang, it scares the shit out of me.

I do have tinnitus and trying to sleep with that is already a pain, but imagine falling asleep, shifting between being awake and sleeping, slowly feeling your body and mind drifting off to sleep and suddenly be jolted back to reality, wide awake because you heard one of the loudest noises ever… coming from inside your head. That really makes you on edge and really makes it hard to go back to sleep.

Have you ever experienced Exploding head syndrome? Leave a comment with your thoughts, suggestions and/or experiences.

I thought about writing this post because last week I had EHS episodes almost every night, I don’t know why, nothing special was happening in my life, nor was I stressed or distressed of any kind. It has however made me a bit reluctant to sleeping the last few days, and I can’t seem to fall asleep normally and I want to listen to music or have the TV on in the background, just to be able to focus on sounds that won’t scare the life out of me.

I hope this post could help a little bit if you experience the same thing, because it’s a horrible thing when happening.

Leave a comment, and be sure to follow me on Instagram!

You can also read my other posts here!

Running might be a bit of a stretch!

When I say running I mean walking mostly, jog occasionally and run rarely, but hey…. it’s better then sitting in the couch at home, right?!

First of all, due to being swamped with work, preparing to a workshop on social media and spending quality time at home, the updates on my runs have been abysmal to say the least. But that does not mean I haven’t been out running, jogging or walking, on the contrary actually. I have been out every day since I started this journey, either walking, jogging or running. Mostly walking tho, but combining it with my hobby, photography. Below is a video I shot during my latest run.

Here’s at least some workout days tracked in Runkeeper, the days I remembered to start it, and the days I solely focused on running, walking or jogging. That’s because on some days, like weekends and evenings, I’ve been spending time photographing downhill riders in Järvsö Bergscykel Park. There’s a lot of standing still waiting for riders, but also walking up and down the mountain through the woods, some days I’m so exhausted afterwards, more then the days I go out for a run, walk or jog. I do count the days spent walking up and down the mountain photographing as workouts, why wouldn’t I?!

The days I’ve been running, jogging or walking there have been routes I’ve made that takes me up the mountain on one side, and down the mountain on the other. It’s actually a really nice climb of 240+ meter elevation with some really steep parts. I’ve taken myself to run up those really steep parts, just to push myself even further, just to get my blood pumping.

This is one of the routes I tend to run pretty often. It took a long time, but that’s because I filmed a bit during my run. I goes up and down the mountain.

Talking of blood pumping, I really feel how out of shape I still am, during some parts of my running up the mountain, mostly the steep part, my Apple Watch show my heartbeat at 166 bpm, if that is true and accurate, I really need to step up my workouts, I need to get those numbers down and the speed up.

I also been taking my Camelbak with me, filled with ice cold water. It has really improved my runs as I tend to drink a lot of water and get more stamina when I do. Also water is good for you, so why not!

One thing I have not gotten the hang of yet is the food, what to eat, what not to eat or when to eat. I love food, I won’t lie, but I tend to sometimes overeat and that’s not good. I love sweets, soft drinks and unhealthy food. We do not eat pizza, hamburgers or any other fast food that often, maybe one time a month, if not less, but I find it hard to find healthy good substitutes since I don’t like cold food, vegetables or diets. Please leave me some suggestions in the comments. I think my next post might be about my food schedule and what I eat in a week.

Be sure to read my Week 1 post!

Leave a comment if you are on your own fat to fit journey, or have taken it before. Let me know how you did it.

Also, give me a follow on Instagram!

I’m still looking for sponsors for my Fat to Fit journey, so if you are interested in helping me out, send me an email at info(a)andreasfransson.com

Extrovert introvert – I’m a bit of both!

Extrovert introvert – How can I be both? Well, first of all I would say I’m mostly introvert and shy, I really dislike being among people for a long time. I rather stay at home and watch a movie with my girlfriend than going out and having to entertain people. I have thousands of thoughts in my head at the same time and I tend to drift away thinking about all of them at the same time. Being an extrovert introvert do have some great things tho, being an introvert means that I can (mostly) focus on whats important and really figure things out in my head. I plan ahead and always stay one step ahead of everyone else.

Although being an introvert do have some downsides as well. I rarely interact with people at work, other then saying good morning and goodbye, I almost never sit and eat with co-workers or random people. Sometimes I buy some food and drive away to a secluded spot and eat my lunch in peace and quiet. At after work gatherings I keep to myself and try to look busy and like I’m having a good time, but I really look at the time and try to figure out an excuse to go home. It’s not that I don’t want to hang out with them, it’s just that I do not like social gatherings like that, but that might have to do with my social anxiety I had growing up.

BUT, this weekend my extrovert introvert really shined through. I work as an Art Director on a tractor magazine, where… well, everything is about tractors. Tractor pulling, veteran tractors, custom built tractors etc. My editor asked me a few weeks ago if I could work the booth at Ljusdal Traktor Power Show, a tractor pulling festival held in the next town over. A few weeks ago I said “of course, I can work the booth”. Come Friday afternoon setting up that said booth I felt a chilling sensation creeping over me, making me cold sweat, feeling nauseous, anxiety and hyperventilating, WHY did I sign up to do this?! And alone as well, again, why did I sign up for this?….

Anyway, I thought to myself, what the heck, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna make it through the weekend, it can’t be that many people attending, can it? Well, it turned out to be pretty heavily crowded with over 1000 people at the event, and I’m not joking when at least half of them stopped by our booth, wanting to talk to me about tractors…. I don’t know anything about tractors, haha. Other then that I had to sell stuff, stuff that had no price tag on them, but I got told the price beforehand, all I had to do now was to remember them…

After a few customers, learning the credit card machine and selling some random stuff I started to feel comfortable, very comfortable. In some mysterious way I became the greatest salesman who ever walked the earth, or at least at the event. I started talking, making jokes, selling stuff, joke some more and just kept on doing that for two whole days. I was on fire!!!!

I surprised myself, I did not know I had that in me. Or, I did know that I could act professional when needed to, but this was something else, this was like I was watching myself in an out of body experience, I could se myself charging people money for merchandise, talking about tractor DVD’s I’ve never seen, but acting like I did, selling t-shirts like there was no tomorrow and smiling… I smiled like crazy and I was such I nice person to everyone. I’m always a nice person, but often it doesn’t show because I have this gloomy approach, but on this day I was on top of the world.

I guess thats why I from this day call myself an extrovert introvert. An introvert who can put on a mask, a character and a show to become an extrovert and a real professional seller. I even convinced several people that I know stuff about tractors, it was hilarious!

I put some pictures up on my Instagram page, so be sure to follow me there!

From Fat to Fit – it is time!

From Fat to Fit is my quest to take control over my life, health and wellbeing. Not a second too late to be honest, I’m really excited about this and it goes great with us moving to the countryside, where the trails, nature and beautiful surroundings really help. I’m going to let you in on my progress, and I’m naming this series “From Fat to Fit”, and I’m going update on my progress once a week.

I’m not really “fat” per se, but I admit that I have gained a lot of weight in the last couple of years, and I believe that it’s because of a lazy lifestyle, office work and moving in with my wonderful girlfriend. If you ever lived with someone you know that weekends may contain more sweets and tasty food then living alone, but don’t get me wrong, I love it and wouldn’t trade it for the world. But I also kind of let myself go health wise. I tried going to the gym when I lived in Stockholm, but the stress and pressure of performing at work, at the gym and at home got the best of me and I grew tired of it.

What says I won’t grow tired of it this time?

Well, nothing to be honest, except this time I really feel like I hit the spot work wise, living wise and mentally. Since we moved to the countryside I have learned to enjoy the beautiful nature, I have learned to make the most out of my days and I have learned to leave work at the office. Leaving my work at the office is a really important thing and it has made me able to relax in a whole new way. So, starting a few days ago I made a promise to myself to get healthier and more fit. From Fat to Fit is my project to be the best I can, not only health wise, but also mentally.

What have I done so far?

Well, I have been going on jogs, walk and climbs around the town. I started out with a 5 km walk/jog the other day, followed by another walk/jog the day after. That time I managed to walk/jog for almost 7 kilometers, and yesterday I climbed the local mountain, which is pretty steep and I managed to track a 200+ meter elevation climb. After I reach the top I walked down the ski slopes, took a detour around the town before ending up at home. It was a total of 4.8 kilometers, but with a steep climb and descent.

So, here’s some pictures from my walks/climbs, and next week I will post some measurements, weight, stats etc. And we can track my accomplishments together in my “From Fat to Fit” project right here on the website.

I would love some pep talk in the comments, so please join me on my journey to a better, healthier life!

I might update on my progress on Instagram as well, so be sure to follow me there for photo updates!

If you would like to sponsor my journey, hit me up with an email on info(a)andreasfransson.com

Humble Brush toothbrush, what an idea!

I stumbled upon Humble Brush toothbrushes by accident a couple of months ago. I was in Spånga, Stockholm hanging out at Georges Klipp planning Spånga Beard Party. I needed to pick up some bandages before I went home and went to the local pharmacy in Spånga. My eyes were instantly drawn towards some colourful bristles, what is this, I thought.

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a paid advertisement, these are my own words and thoughts!

I went closer and saw the name Humble Brush burnt into the side of the toothbrush. I knew I had to have one… or all 5 different colours to be honest.

I read on the packaging that Humble Brush is working for a really great cause, dental and oral care for children across the world. For every Humble Brush sold, they give away free dental or oral care to a child in need who can’t afford it. How awesome is that?! I also read that the brushes are made out of bamboo, and yeah, I thought that the pandas might be out of food… But no, they only use the piece of the bamboo that the pandas can’t reach or want, so they are still very well fed. The bristles are made out of Nylon 6, free from the toxin Bisphenol A.

Humble Brush Beard!

Oh, and I almost forgot, when I got my Humble Brush toothbrushes I tried to fit as many as I could in my beard, you can check the results in the video above!

Humble Brush is a ECO friendly toothbrush, made in Sweden, that provides dental and oral care to children in need. Needless to say I bought 5…. to begin with. I actually got another 25 brushes a couple of weeks later, just because I like their agenda. I also gave away some brushes to friends and family, just for them to enjoy them as much as I do.

I’ve been using the brushes for a couple of months now and I really like them, I like the feel of them and the really nice design. I plan on getting more when I run out, although I think I have about 15-16 brushes left, so I might be set for the rest of the year, haha!

I think Humble Brush sells their brushes internationally on their website, check them out here! And don’t forget to read my other posts, the one with the Caliente Chili Drink for example!

Lady Marley Monroe – tiny, cute and weird!

Lady Marley Monroe is the name of our new kitten we got the other day. She was born March 21st 2017 and is about 13 weeks when this post is written(June 11, 2017). We always wanted a cat in our family, but living in Stockholm for the past five years in sublet contracts and tiny apartments was not the optimal setting for a cat, so we held off on our plan. But now when we moved to the countryside and my hometown we felt that this was the perfect time, we have a big apartment, glassed in balcony, huge windows, toys and lots of sunlight.

We named her Lady Marley Monroe because she is so cute, and laid back – a Bob Marley and Marilyn Monroe rolled into one… and lady because, well, she’s a lady! She has a tortoiseshell coating and semi long fur, and she’s soft as clouds. She has green’ish eyes and a nose tiny nose. A pretty short tail so far and she is just adorable, just look at this:

Lady Marley Monroe is our first pet together and it was love at first sight, me being raised with animals all my life – dogs, cats, bunnies, horses, cows etc – have really missed having a pet, and working from home often is perfect when having a kitten. Even Lady Marley Monroe got accustomed to us and her new home very quickly – after just 30 minutes she slept beside us, used the toilet and ate her food.

She’s a feisty little one and she loves playing with my feet for some reason, maybe she’s trying to fight the odour, I don’t know, haha! Other then that we bought her a scratching pole, a cat tree to climb and some balls, rats and other toys she can play with. At this very moment she is sitting in the window looking out at the people and traffic outside – I can’t handle the cuteness!

Below are som more pictures of her, and if you want to see more, follow @ladymarleymonroe on Instagram – where we will update with more pictures and videos of her daily life!

Oh, did you know that Lady Marley Monroe used to be the lead singer in KISS before she came to us?! xD

How to overcome social anxiety part 2

If you haven’t read part 1 yet, please do, as it contains the beginning of the story, this is my journey to overcome social anxiety. Click here to read part 1!

Let’s begin where we left off. I had just told you about my part on skipping school, and how I felt complete and utter agony while going to class, while not having a clue what was going on. As I mentioned in part 1, I had about 45% attendance in class, which is crazy low. After almost a year, my teacher finally grew tired of never seeing me in class, and he took my parents and me in for a meeting, and I think that was the first time I told them how I felt. At least I remember it that way, but I might be wrong.

Anyway, I dropped out of school just before the summer, not knowing what to do next, how to overcome social anxiety or how to handle myself we contacted the guidance counselor at the school where I dropped out. She had seen this new school system, in which you study from home on a computer… It sounded too good to be true, and it was, but more on that later.

I applied to the home school program and got in, I felt great… How it worked was like this: You got a computer, books and everything you could possibly need from the school, they sent me a full size desktop computer in a big parcel and lots of books. For this to work, everyone who attended the home school program, would have to go online at 8-9 in the morning and click a button so that the teacher would see it, and then you could download assignments and tests to do from home. Sometimes there where audio lessons from the teacher and other things we needed to do. It worked perfectly for me, could this be the thing that would make me overcome social anxiety?

Twice every 6 months we had to go to a little town called Malung, located in Dalarna, about 2,5 hours from where I lived. We had to stay there for a week and do tests, meet the teachers and other students and so on. Me being like I was, I did NOT want to go, but my parents kind of made me, and drove me all the way there, and they even walked me in to the dorm and settled me in. Me, a 17 year old boy, escorted by his parents to the first day of school, how could that help my social anxiety? Well, it turned out that I wasn’t the only one with problems, 90% of all students felt like me, and were terrified of seeing other people, let alone live with them in a dorm for a week. How could this help me overcome social anxiety?

My parents left and I was sitting in my dorm room, which I was supposed to share with another boy, but he wasn’t there yet. I started feeling the anxiety creeping up on me, the watery eyes, the stomach pains and sweating. Why was I there, where was my parents. I started shaking and feeling nauseous, I was at the brink of tears when someone knocked on the door. It was Magnus, my roommate…

Magnus came in, introduced himself and asked how I was doing. I told him that I was doing fairly OK… what a lie! He quickly saw that I was not OK, so he began introducing himself even more, telling me how he chose this school because of hit anxiety and trouble with the law. He told me about the other students (there were about 30) and how nice they were. He asked if I wanted to come meet some of them. Not knowing how to respond I said yes, still feeling nauseous and shaky hands, still wondering how to overcome social anxiety.

Magnus took me to see Benjamin, Emanuel and Henrik, three other guys who lived in the room next to us. Henrik from Skåne, Benjamin from Stockholm and Emanuel from Gävle. Three completely different people, but all with some sort of issue of their own. I started to ease up and talking and the next thing I knew I had met all 30 of the students. I actually liked this, I actually liked these people and I liked hanging out with them. I started to find the old me, I started to smile, laugh and do stupid things. Me and Magnus stole a shopping cart from a nearby supermarket and pushed each other into bushes (Jackass was big back then). All of a sudden the police arrive, and Magnus being the troublemaker he was RAN LIKE HELL…

He left me high and dry with a shopping cart in hand, with the police, in a town I had never been in before. I was terrified, haha. But the police just said that I should put the cart back and stop being stupid before I hurt myself. That is one of my favourite memories from that time.

Buuut, it wasn’t all roses and rainbows after all. Three years later, sure I had made friends, had tons of fun and even skipped one or two get togethers and the dorm because of my anxiety, reality struck again… hard. Three years, I had invested three years of my life, still broken and anxious, at that school. I hade given it my all to get better, to be better, to become my best. Reality can be a bitch sometimes, because just 3 months before graduation I got a letter in the mail. The school I had been attending for three years was not approved by the National School board.. Why? Well, the only answer we got was that because we only attended IRL classes 4 separate weeks a year, the school did not qualify to be a “real” school.

Who the hell came up with that after three years? That letter made me sink, hard! I lost everything I had built over the past years, I completely submerged myself in deep dark thoughts and I hated everything. Although, everything was not lost… for everyone else. The solution the National School Board came up with did not work for me, they said, that if we wanted our grades and graduate we had to stay the last three months of the school year at the dorm. THREE MONTHS? I had problems being away for a week as it was.

We tried talking to the people in charge, but they did not budge. Three months or no graduation! With the state I was in, with my emotions and thoughts, this were out of the question. I dropped out… again. I dropped out after three years and missed my graduation with three months, but what could I have done? I simply could not manage to stay in that dorm for three whole months, I just couldn’t

So, if we do the math.. I spent 4 years in the Gymnasium (3 years being the normal amount of time), and what did I have to show for it? Nothing…. or so I thought then, I thought I had nothing to show from those three years. But the thing is, I made friends, friends I still talk to, 15-16 years later, and for that I’m very grateful.

Even tho this was not what really made me realize that I had social anxiety, this made a huge impact on my life, even to this day. I still feel that I’m not good enough, that I have no talent or skills worth showing. In the back of my head I know that’s not true, I have grown immensely the last few years and even made a name for myself in the bearded community, but I still can’t get that feeling out of my head. Am I good enough?

I’m going to cut it here and start writing the next part. I realized when I started writing part 1, that this is gonna take awhile.

But please, do comment with your own experiences and with your thoughts. I will put a link in here to part 3 when it’s posted, and I hope you’ll read it.

This is my story and how I tried to overcome social anxiety!

Don’t forget to read part 1

(Footnote – I still talk to Emanuel, Henrik and Benjamin now and then. The three boys that greeted me at the dorm so many years ago)

Overcoming social anxiety can be hard – tremendously hard!

I will now tell you my story on overcoming social anxiety, this post might get long, deep, sad, happy and a little bit of everything, but if you are ready, please read on!

First of all, if you are suffering from social anxiety and have no one to turn to, send me an email at info(a)andreasfransson.com, maybe I can help you, or at least give you some pointers on how you could overcome social anxiety. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. But I do believe that you can overcome social anxiety if you put your mind too it.

Ever since I started middle school I felt a bit like an outsider, I tended to shy away from crowds and keep too myself. Most notably at the end of ninth grade, when I most of the time had my headphones on listening to music, disappearing into my own thoughts and keeping too myself. All of this was a little bit weird for me, because I were always the class clown, I had no problems with friends, I did not get bullied, I did not bully, I did not drink, smoke or do drugs. I remember having some trouble with math and Swedish, but that’s about it.

It wasn’t until I started my first year of Gymnasiet (<— Wikipedia link for info) I noticed some real changes in my behaviour. Moving up a grade meant that we had to merge with other schools from other districts into a Gymnasium (Check the Wikipedia link above) and choose our speciality classes. I chose to attend the Media Programme, which focused on editing, photographing, movies and graphic design. I also ended up in a great group with great classmates, and we had lots of fun. But this was the time I noticed that I had a hard time being alone among people for the first time, I absolutely hated going to different classes by my own, I sometimes skipped a class because I did not want to go through the halls by myself.

There were even days were I skipped lunch all together, just because I didn’t catch up with my friends before they went. I could not master the courage to go alone into the dining hall, and I had no idea why I felt this way. I had never had this problem before, I even dreamt about being on stage singing, becoming a movie star or stand up comedian. The latter I just practice at home, and my girlfriend loves my comedy *insert sarcasm*, haha. But anyway, this kept on going, I thought that is would pass and get better, but it didn’t. One feeling I had was that everyone was looking at me, that I had something on my face or I was dressed funny, I can still remember those feelings of constantly feeling watched, but no one was watching, it was all in my head.

I started skipping school, A LOT. Every month you get a allowance from the government here in Sweden, it is given to students for basic necessities like books, clothes, food etc. What ever you want to spend them on. At that time the allowance was about 100 USD a month, and to be eligible for that you need a 85% attendance at school. When I was at my worst and dropped out, my attendance was at 45%…. But in some way I still got that allowance, because my teacher liked me and saw potential in me, so he never reported me not being there most of the time.

I don’t think I have ever told this story to anyone before, but I spent my days hanging out in a big hallway at my old school, just before the dining hall. It was pretty calm and not many people walked through there, other then around lunch time, but by then when a teacher or janitor asked why I was there, I just said that I was waiting for the bus or that I waited for a friend. No one suspected me being an utter shut-in with darker and darker thoughts. I still remember where I used to sit, with my walkman and later portable CD player, listening to music over and over again. I sat with my back up against a window for hours…

At 07.30 in the morning I hopped on the school bus which arrived at my old school at around 07.50. At 08.10 the next bus, taking us to the Gymnasium arrived, but most of the times I never got on. I went to the hallway in the dining area, sat on a marble stone bench leaned up against the window. I sat there until 3 in the afternoon… That’s when the school bus home arrived. I hopped on, went home and threw my backpack in my room and went to eat dinner with my family. They never suspected anything. (I think)

When they used to ask me about my day I mostly mumbled something like “Yeah, it was ok” and continued eating. I think I acted pretty normal at home to be honest, and I never had any thoughts that I was sick or that I ever needed overcoming social anxiety. Heck, I don’t even knew what that word even meant back then. This is when I was 16-17 years old by the way, and that was the start of a very long journey, many sleepless nights, many tears and feelings of despair of overcoming social anxiety.

I think I’ll hold on here, and write another post about the next step in my journey of overcoming social anxiety. Remember, do not hesitate to leave a comment or send me an email if you have any questions.

Check out and read part 2 of theis anxiety series!

If you want to get notified when my next post is published, you can subscribe down in the comment section!

So, they took my blood today and now I need a cookie!

I think yesterday’s post about procrastination really did something good, I actually crossed off the doctors appointment from the list, or at least a part of it when they took some of my blood for a checkup….

I started my day by going to the doctors office to have my blood taken and sent off to a laboratory for testing. I’m not sick or anything, but sometimes it’s good to check and see if you lack certain vitamins or have some disease. Did I tell you that I hate needles?

Well, I’m a pretty big guy, bearded and covered with tattoos, I do not fit the stereotype of being scared of needles, but I am! Or… scared is a pretty big word for this occasion, I’m not scared per se, but I really dislike it. Not because it hurts, but because I can’t seem to look away when the stick the needle in me, and after holding my breath I tend to get lightheaded and dizzy. I wish they had cookies or some candy at the doctors office, I need that sugar kick after they took my blood.

Why do I dislike needles?

Well, this is a pretty fun story actually, and I have told it many times but never in writing. A few years ago I was at the hospital for a EKG checkup, a routine one, nothing weird about that. But before the procedure I had to leave some blood, and taking my blood was a pretty heavyset guy in his 40’s, nothing weird about that either. But…

As I was laying down on the hospital bed (Yes, I sometimes get to lay dawn not to faint) the big heavyset male nurse sticked me with the needle and everything was going great, and I was giving a few tubes of blood at the same time so it took a while…. Now comes the horrific part…

That big heavyset nurse… he had a pretty big stomach.. And for some reason, while the needle was inside my arm, he needed to reach for some instrument above my head… He stands up, leans in over me and… you get what happened right? Well, his big stomach pushes the needle into my arm even further, and I start to panic. But since I’m laying down I can’t go anywhere, I’m in a complete shock because of the pain, so I can’t get a single word out. I’m just laying there, hurting like hell while a heavyset male nurse’s stomach is pushing the needle further and further in to my arm.

Finally after maybe two second, which by the way felt like 10 minutes, he sat down again, not even noticing what happened. I was still in shock, so I didn’t even tell him what happened, maybe out of pity, maybe because I was hurting. Nevertheless, my whole arm by the elbow was blue’ish for two weeks after that, all because of a little bit of blood. I wish I had taken a picture back then, but hindsight aint my strongest game!

We still laugh about it to this day, it was such a unthinkable story, but now you might understand where my disliking of needles come from.

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Procrastinating – I’m really good at it!

I have a long list in my mind of thing I should, need and must do. However, in my mind, most of them “can be done later”, I’m procrastinating the shit out of them. Do you ever feel the same? You want to do them, but you just can’t, wether it is being lazy, being tired or something else, procrastination is the easiest thing to do!

Some things on my list are:

• Making a doctors appointment to check my general health.
• Making a dentist appointment to fix a aching tooth.
• Hang some paintings in the new apartment.
• Finish unpacking the last boxes.
• Take afternoon walks.
• Write more blog posts.
• Finish a few started reviews.
• Practice my photography.
• and much more….

These are pretty simple things for a grown person, right?! Well, I thought so too. At the moment I work two jobs, one daytime and one part time, which makes me somewhat tired at times. Coming home pretty tired from my day job, to cook and start doing other job stuff is hard some days. Making doctor/dentist appointments seem pretty far away those days, so does unpacking boxes. And don’t get me started on the weekends, I’m so happy to have some time off, that my mind shuts down and force my body to just relax and do nothing.

Me and my girlfriend said that we were going to take afternoon walks when I got home from work… that was two weeks ago, we have yet to start walking xD

Even tho I seem to work too much and be tired all the time, it’s not true. I feel better and more energetic then ever. That’s the thing, I feel so good, but still procrastinate the easiest things. Why is that? I’m not lazy, I’m not tired, I’m not sick, yet I can’t seem to get off my butt and do those easy things. I think one thing that can help me do all of these things is to write them down, and do one or two every day, not overdoing it, starting with the easy ones (even tho they all are pretty easy) and work my way up to the more tedious tasks. I rock at procrastinating.

Although, to be fair. Procrastinating made me write this post, even tho it took me a few days to start writing, I did it. I wanted to give myself a boost by writing about my flaws, and maybe feel better about doing it, making it easier to get up and get busy! I hope I’m right!

Do you ever feel that the small things in you daily life are the hardest ones to do? Leave a comment with your thoughts.

What is procrastination?

Procrastination is the avoidance of doing a task that needs to be accomplished. It is the practice of doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones, or carrying out less urgent tasks instead of more urgent ones, thus putting off impending tasks to a later time. (Wikipedia)

If you are bored and want to procrastinate some things, follow me on Instagram!

How to find apartments in Stockholm

That’s the million dollar question I ask myself every day. Stockholm is one of the greatest cities in the world, tons of stuff to do and beautiful sights. But finding an apartment to settle down can be a down right pain in the ass. This is what I think about finding apartments in Stockholm.

How does it work?

Well, first of all, the government “hands out” the apartment based on your time in the apartment queue, which you can sign up for the day you turn 18. The price is 210 SEK per year. There are many private apartment building owners, but most of them give their vacant apartments to Stockholm Stads Bostadskö (Stocholm City apartment queue) to “hand out”.

Somehow they though this would be a better idea and give everyone a chance to get an apartment….. think again. At the time writing this, there are 92, yes 92 vacant apartments in all of Stockholm on their website. You know how many people there are in line to get one? 500.000+, yes, thats true. There are over five hundred thousand people standing in line to get an apartment in Stockholm. And you know what else, the queue time is what give you a chance to get an apartment. I have been in line for 4 years, which puts me at a no chance in hell place in line, even out in the suburbs and “bad neighborhoods”.

So, if you are planning on moving to Stockholm, and want to have your own rental apartment, be prepared to stand 10+ years in line to get one. IF you are not very very very lucky to get one through the private apartment building owners, but that’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

The other option is to sublet…. oh the joy. Most of the sublet contract are on short term, 6 months to a year, or even shorter, and most of them are overpriced as hell. Paying up as much as 2-3 times over the real rent. And the closer to the city you come, the more expensive.

I’m not saying it’s impossible, but here’s my story about finding apartments in Stockholm:

I’m 33 years old, born and raised in the northern parts of Sweden. I moved to Stockholm 4 years ago and was lucky to sublet a small 20 m2 apartment through a work colleague, after a year I got a 40 m2 apartment through another friend, but had to move out after a year. I am currently living with my girlfriend in yet another sublet apartment, 49 m2, and have been doing that for the last 2 years, but now we have to move out by May 1st. Why? Well, there are also this rule that if you have bought your apartment, you can sublet it to someone, but not for more then 2 years….

That means there are tons and tons of empty condos all over Stockholm, due to the fact that the people who could afford to buy their own apartment can’t sublet it for more then 2 years. Most people keep a spare apartment for emergencies like family issues and what not, because they know, that if they sell if our cancel their contract, they wont get a new one for many years to come.

In conclusion

The apartment situation in Stockholm is so incredibly bad, and to get a first hand rental contract, it’s nearly impossible. And buying a condo? Well, a 1 room apartment cost upwards of 2-3 million SEK, which “normal” people like me cant afford. So if you are planning on moving here, be sure to fix your living situation beforehand.

You can sign up for the apartment queue here at Stockholm Stads Bostadskö